God, they're so stupid!
by Akemi Maxwell
Summary: Don't mind the title, this is another attempt at humor fics. The Gboys are out camping and it's the middle of the night. Heero and Duo can't get to sleep, so what are they going to do? They'e gonna do what Heero and Duo do best! Not really...


"God, they're so stupid!"  
  
By Brittany/Akemi Maxwell  
  
4/23/03  
  
GundamWing© belongs to Sunrise©, Bandai© and TVAshai©. I don't own any of it, save this plot. Don't sue, remember, there are many writers that don't put copyrights on their work!  
  
Now that the copyright stuff is done, here's the summary. The G-boys are out camping and it's the middle of the night. Heero's sharing a tent with his pal Duo, but he can't get to sleep. The same goes for Duo. What will they do all night? Major OOC for Heero. Wufei's just cranky.  
  
Note: Some of these conversations originated at my school with my friends and me. Special thanks to Katarina, Rachel, Cleo, Eleanor and Justin!! Based off the night my cousin Lindsey and I stayed up until 4:30. Let's just say we got pretty crazy. Have you ever noticed that you get crazy when you stay up late? It's like a different type of drunk.  
  
PS: None of you may find any of this funny, seriously, I suck at this kinda' stuff. This is just my latest attempt at funny fics.  
  
~  
  
Heero tossed and turned in his sleeping bag, clad in only his tank top and briefs. His eyes would not stay closed for a minute. He buried his furry head underneath his pillow. He had to breathe and he poked his head out from underneath the pillow. Why couldn't he get to sleep? He wanted to sleep so badly.  
  
Heero curled into a ball and crawled upside down into his sleeping bag until his head was poking out the end and his feet were skimming his pillow. He laid his head on his arms and tried to sleep.  
  
Duo took a deep breath and turn to his side, facing Heero's sleeping bag. He opened his eyes and saw a pair of feet. "Holy sh!t! Heero what are you doin'?" Duo hoarsely whispered.  
  
"Tryin' to sleep," Heero whispered back.  
  
"You too?" Duo crawled out of his sleeping bag and sprawled out on the cool nylon. Heero crawled back to the front of his bag and laid his head on his pillow. They stayed like this for a longtime, prodigiously sniffing once and a while.  
  
"Hey," Duo suddenly whispered half laughing, "Remember when we put light blue hair dye in Q's shampoo?"  
  
"Yeah," Heero replied grinning, staring up at the roof of the blue tent. "He was so pissed!"  
  
The two snickered, Duo biting on his tongue to keep from laughing. They sighed and stared at the tent walls.  
  
"Oh my god! How 'bout when we caught Wufei jackin' off in the garage!" Heero slapped both his hands over his eyes as he and Duo laughed. Duo rolled on his back and forth regaining his sitting position again. Heero had changed dramatically from the killing machine he once was. He loved how Heero sounded like a drunkard when he laughed. It wasn't cool, but it was funny.  
  
"He threatened me with a knife," Duo stated, shooing away his giggles.  
  
"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one night and he was looming over my bed with a pillow in his hand saying, "It would be so easy, I could do it right now!"" Heero tugged Duo's baby toe.  
  
"I could have sworn he's done that to me once!" Duo giggled and wiggled his baby toe to get away from Heero's grasp.  
  
"I'm not surprised," Heero said pulling on Duo's baby toe until the bone popped.  
  
"Shhhh! Do you hear that?" Duo whispered, slapping his hand over Heero's mouth. They listened, but didn't hear anything.  
  
When Duo removed his hand, Heero slapped Duo's foot. "Touch me again and I'll back hand you with my fist!" Heero warned.  
  
Duo shrugged popping the rest of his toes' knuckles. "I heard laughing. Oh my gosh, do you remember that one time at that safe house, y' know, the one by that drunk chick?"  
  
"Aa."  
  
"Well, when Quatre, Trowa and me shared that couch, man it was weird!" Duo shook his head in embarrassment.  
  
"What?"  
  
Duo raised his head, "I woke up about eleven, and they were giggling and kicking at each other! They were playing footsies!"  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Heero kicked his legs free of his sleeping bang and rolled onto his side. He rolled back over and buried his face in his pillow. Duo's face was a bright red and he shushed Heero, who was practically choking  
  
"The worst part is, one of them grabbed my nuts with his foot!!" Duo covered his mouth, crying and rocking back and forth. Heero banged his bare feet on the floor and choked for air. Duo heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped and he slapping Heero's bare thigh to shush him.  
  
They shut up. Heero had un-wiped tears in his eyes. Wufei unzipped the tent zipper and poked his ugly head in the tent.  
  
"It's a nightmare!" Heero chuckled.  
  
"No it's bigfoot," Duo corrected.  
  
"No, it's bighead!!" Heero screamed and rolled on his back, his chest jerking up and down from his laughs.  
  
Wufei fumed, "How the hell is anyone supposed to get some sleep, if you fucks keep making all that racket! Shut the hell up!!" Wufei stuck his leg in the tent and kicked Heero's rear.  
  
"Okay, bighead," Duo laughed.  
  
Wufei's eyes shot to him "Shut your big, fat mouth before I staple it shut! God did not put me on this earth to watch your mouth for you! Go to sleep, both of you, before I get my sword, you hear me?!"  
  
"Yes, bighead!" Duo chuckled and dove into his sleeping bag, likewise Heero.  
  
"What did I just say?!" Wufei poked his head back in. Nobody answered, as Heero and Duo pretended to be asleep. Wufei snorted, zipped back up the tent zipper and walked back to his tent muttering, "God, they're so stupid!"  
  
Duo opened his eyes, looking into Heero's, "Goodnight.  
  
. .  
  
Bighead!!"  
  
Heero burst into tears and buried his face back into his pillow, his laughing sobs muffled. Duo had both hands clamped over his mouth trying to calm his breathing. As soon as they calmed down Duo smiled, "Have you ever heard the joke about the baby and the bus?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay!" Duo leaned forward to Heero, "This woman and her baby boy were getting on this bus. Suddenly the bus driver says, 'That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' so the woman goes to the back of the bus, all mad and such, and she sits down right next to this old man. He says, 'What's the matter, dear?' and she replies, 'I can't believe that bus driver insulted me!' so the man says, 'Well go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, I'll hold your monkey.'"  
  
Heero giggled and put his hand on his forehead. When he calmed himself down he said, "I've got one! Okay, you use this one on girls, ask me if I have any reptiles."  
  
"Do you have any reptiles?" Duo asked quickly.  
  
"I have a trouser snake!" Heero giggled and buried his face in his pillow again. "And sometimes he turns into a staff!"  
  
Duo sat there, thinking it over, finally, it registered in his mind and he laughed. He slapped Heero's bare shoulder, "I didn't know you were perverted, Heero!"  
  
"Well, then you don't know me that well!" Heero giggled.  
  
Duo laughed, "I'm in the backyard hunting sharks."  
  
Heero made his "hn" sound. He laughed, "Nobody is perfect. I am nobody, therefore I am perfect."  
  
Duo laughed, "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems!" Heero and Duo laughed blindly.  
  
Heero looked over to Duo, "You know how we always argue? Well, never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!"  
  
"Amen!" Duo screamed.  
  
"I'm not done! Never argue with me because I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat!" Heero chuckled.  
  
Duo was silent. Heero looked at him. They both laughed, Duo's ended falsely. "I thought you really meant it!"  
  
"I did."  
  
Duo was silent.  
  
Heero played with the zipper to his sleeping bag, "How do blind people find those dots for reading when they don't know where it is?" They laughed. Heero chuckled, "I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over her again." Duo covered his mouth. Heero sat up, "The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked, "ASL?" I tried to sound it out and got really pissed and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole!"  
  
Duo laughed and pulled on his braid. "You're a horn dog, Heero!"  
  
"You keep calling me that! What about a corn dog instead? What the hell is a 'horn dog'?" Heero smacked Duo's foot. They thought a little more. Heero made his small smile saying "I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas use to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks saying, "You're next! You're next!" Well they stopped doing that crap when I started to do it to them at funerals!"  
  
Duo laughed and pulled Heero's bangs, yanking them hard, "You know what pisses me off? People who point at the wrist when asking the time, I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? I mean, do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??"  
  
Heero pried Duo's fingers off, "I hope not!"  
  
They chuckled and looked at the ceiling. Giggles from the other tent could be heard. Duo looked at Heero, "Trowa and Quatre are awake."  
  
"They're probably listening to our jokes and stuff," Heero watched the silhouette of the trees sway. "Or they could be doing something else," Heero giggled then everything was quiet.  
  
"Why is it so quiet all of a sudden?"  
  
They listened further before starting up again.  
  
"Hey, did you ever have to go pick your own switch when you were a kid?" Duo looked at the silhouette of the trees.  
  
"No, I always obeyed Dr. J."  
  
"Well I did! It was always a hard choice, like, if I picked this one, he'll send me back outside and if I pick this one, it'll hurt. It was a tough decision!" Duo rubbed his ass secretly, remembering how much it hurt.  
  
"I was never beaten," Heero stated out of the blue. "If Dr. J did beat me, however, I would have never trusted him when he told me to self destruct. We had a mutual bond, one that you can't get out of beating."  
  
"Oh," Duo looked at the ceiling. "I thought it was different for you, you know, I thought your training was really horrible."  
  
"Well, it was, but it wasn't harsh as in beating, it was harsh as in waking up everyday at four in the morning and having to swim across a huge pond for hours, then sprinting for six hours, then climbing and a whole bunch of other stuff." Heero nestled his head into his pillow.  
  
"Did-did you kill anyone during your training?" Duo hesitated to ask.  
  
Heero closed his eyes, "That, I will never answer."  
  
This told Duo that it had to be true. But it didn't matter anymore, the past was not important anymore.  
  
"Duo."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Trouser snake!"  
  
They both laughed and sighed in exhaustion. Duo smiled, "Good night, bud."  
  
"Night," Heero yawned.  
  
Unknown to the two boys who just fell asleep, the sun would rise in three hours and that they would be hella tired the next day.  
  
~  
  
Well, was it idiotic, unoriginal, or just plain out messed up? Come on, you know you want to tell me that you hated it; c'mon, don't be shy! 


End file.
